


small talk

by ffreckles



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Gay Panic, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, noel is stupid, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:07:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25827937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ffreckles/pseuds/ffreckles
Summary: “spock, whoever the fuck you are, get over here.”
Relationships: Cody Ko & Noel Miller, Cody Ko/Devon Spinnler, Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Comments: 31
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> heyy this is kinda experimental ive never written anything like this before so we’ll see how it goes!
> 
> (also obviously this is fiction ok thx bye bye)
> 
> twitter: DLSCORDBABE

noel plops the final box of his stuff onto the foot of his bed, sighing as he looks around, assessing the small space of his new abode. apparently the beautiful vomit colored carpeting is enough to make him space out, because he nearly shits himself when he hears a knock at the doorframe. 

“hey, how’s it goin’ in here?”

noel buries his face into his hands when he sees a tall, long haired man standing in the doorway. it’s just his roomate, not a murderer.

“you okay?”

“you scared the shit outta me, man.”

“oh, sorry,” the mans hand rests on the doorframe, fingers tapping impatiently on the cold wood, “just wondering if you needed any help?”

“nah i’m good garrett, i’ll unpack later, thanks though.”

“spock, call me spock.”

noel turns to look around the room again, biting his lip, “yeah,” he snaps his head to look at spock again, cursing at himself internally, “sorry, spock.” 

awkward silence fills the space for only a moment before spock pipes up again, clearly eager to be a “welcoming host” (whatever the fuck that means, noel had read it on the pamphlet he was given when he was first considering joining a fraternity last year and highly doubted that it meant anything until now),

“well if you’re done for now, how ‘bout a tour of the house?”

noel wants to slam his head against a wall out of embarrassment, but somehow manages to keep a straight face, “yeah, for sure man, sounds great.”

he follows spock out of their room and through a long corridor, lined with twenty other doors which lead to the bedrooms of all the other douchebags who resided here. they reach the top of a staircase, and spock begins to speak again,

“these, as you probably know, are stairs, probably my favorite part of the house.”

as they make their way down spock points out different areas that come into view, the dining room, the kitchen, the living room, a pool table that has clearly seen it all. after a brief stroll around the space they walk into a room filled with people setting up decorations, snacks, or just standing and pretending to care about what’s going on. 

“spock, whoever the fuck you are, get over here.”

noel’s attention is brought to a tall, fit blonde guy waving at them from across the room, and spock quickly leads them over. he places a hand on noel’s shoulder and begins introducing everyone, 

“this is noel. noel, that’s devon, that’s cody,” he points to a much shorter, much cuter brunette guy next to devon, digging through plastic bags and pulling out various packages of colored balloons. he looks up to noel and smiles, “hi.”

“hey, what’re you guys doing in here?”

“setting up for the party later, spock didn’t tell you?”

spock has an ‘oh shit’ type of look on his face, so noel guesses that it  was in fact his forgotten responsibility to inform noel of tonight’s festivities. noel turns his head to look at devon, “no, he didn’t.”

devon raises his eyebrows at spock, who is desperately trying to avoid eye contact, “well, there’s a party tonight. i was put in charge of organizing it this time so i am overseeing all of this,” he uses his hands to gesture around the room, and noel watches as a few guys struggle to tape streamers to the ceiling. 

“oh, sounds cool,” noel really doesn’t give a shit, but he knows he’s gotta start at some point if he’s gonna stick to this whole frat dude path. 

spock perks up again, deciding that enough time has passed for him to try and redeem himself, “yeah it’s gonna be wild, you have no idea.”

cody exhales, annoyance clear in his voice, “how would you know, spock? you’re not even gonna be there, you’ll be up in your room doing ‘homework’ like a nerd.” he raises his hands to make air quotes with his fingers when he says homework, attempting to emphasize his point. 

spock freezes, responding only after a moment of hesitation, “i will be there...in spirit.”

devon rolls his eyes, punching spock’s shoulder and smirking, “you and your spirit can go fuck yourselves, it’s not our fault you spent your whole summer getting high instead of reading fuckin’ shakespeare or whatever.”

spock crosses his arms and almost says something in his defense, but opts to just give up instead. devon looks to noel, ignoring spock entirely, “but yeah, he’s right, it’s gonna be crazy. we don’t fuck around.”

noel decides to try his hand at a bit of comedy to break the ice, “hell yeah, can’t wait to get blackout drunk so i can forget about those god awful curtains,” he gestures behind himself with his thumb, praying to god the guys around him that could  _ easily _ beat his ass are capable of taking a joke. 

_shockingly_ , most people in the room ignore him, chatting amongst themselves and continuing with their own roles in setting up. it’s not like noel  _ wanted _ to get beaten up, but it at least would’ve given him a good story to tell. 

through the deafening silence a single giggle from cody stands out, just enough to motivate him to keep going,

“seriously, whose fuckin’ grandma donated those to y’all, they hurt to look at.”

cody’s struggling not to laugh even more, putting on the best poker face he can (it’s not that good) as noel is met with a smile of pity from devon. the blonde shakes his head and chuckles, shoving a bag of balloons and an air pump into noel’s hands and patting his shoulder, 

“anyway, get to work, you don’t just get talk shit  _ and _ party all for free around here.”


	2. Chapter 2

the rest of the set up went by fairly quickly, despite how numbingly boring blowing up balloons is, and soon what spock had earlier referred to as a “medieval dungeon lookin’ ass house” turned into a tropical themed shit show filled with drunk, high, horny college kids.

noel had spent most of the night talking with cody, who seemed to be the only one here who truly appreciated his humor so far. he was also the most outgoing, which noel wouldn’t normally like, but cody just had some sort of charm to him that made him intriguing.

they shared a joint, drank a few too many beers, and opened up probably a bit too much. he learned that cody was canadian, moved here from calgary. he was also on the diving team, studying computer science, a lightweight, and definitely too comfortable making jokes about his friend’s dicks. just noel’s cup of tea.

that’s why when he had disappeared after a fairly intense game of beer pong, noel felt there wasn’t really anything better for him to do among hundreds of sweaty, drunk youths besides sit and sulk while he nursed his sixth (seventh? eighth?) beer of the evening. so he figured he would just call it a night, head back up to his room and attempt to pass out among the buzzing of his thoughts and the music downstairs.

he works his way through the crowd and up the staircase, shoving his half empty beer into the willing hands of a passer by. the world is spinning around him, lazily holding onto door handles to keep himself balanced as he makes his way down the hallway. he reaches what he thinks is his bedroom soon enough, swinging the door open without a second thought.

a loud, high pitched moan echos through the room. pale fingers claw at worn down sheets and all noel can make out is the same tall, slim blonde guy from before, slamming into someone else who’s absolutely _losing_ it.

yeah, this definitely isn’t his room.

“dev...”

the voice sounds desperate, and quite feminine, but through his drunken haze noel can’t bother to figure out who it is. he simply closes the door, mumbling a small ‘sorry’ and leaving them be.

turns out his room is directly across the hall, just his luck.

he stumbles through the door, mumbling a half greeting to spock who’s too enthralled in othello to even notice, before flopping onto his bed face first in a drunk, high, now semi-horny daze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooooooooooooooooooo lets see where this goes


	3. Chapter 3

a sharp pain in his cheek jolts him awake, eyes wide and head pounding. his eyes adjust to the light just long enough for him to see the man standing above him, beaming as he slaps noel’s face a few more times. 

“wakey wakey.”

a shocking ache shoots through his head. he groans, turning over to shove his face into his pillow. he mumbles something into it, and in response spock only raises his voice, nearly yelling directly into his ear, “sorry, what was that?! i couldn’t quite hear you!”

noel blindly reaches his arm out to shove spock away from him, groaning again as he turns his head and says, more clearly, “fuck off..”

spock laughs, and noel can hear his footsteps as he walks away, “surprised you made it back here alive, i heard you fumbling around in the hallway trying to find the right room.”

noel turns over to lay on his back, squinting at the morning light and resting his forearm across his forehead, “god, don’t remind me.”

“oh no,” spock turns to face noel from where he stands across the room, a look both concerned and excited on his face as he walks over and hands him a bottle of water and some advil, “what did you stumble upon?”

“let’s just say i saw devon’s ass a little too early on into our friendship.”

spock falls forward with laughter, placing a hand on his stomach. noel groans as he sits up, opening the water and beginning to drink from it. spock collects himself and looks back to him after a second, “was it a girl, or cody?”

noel nearly chokes on the water in his throat, opening his eyes wider than he probably should in his current state and staring at spock in disbelief as he somehow manages not to drown himself. he swallows, “what the fuck did you just say?”

spock freezes, expression suddenly much more serious, “nothing, forget i said that.”

noel takes another sip of water and throws his head back as he swallows the painkillers, rolling his eyes and setting the bottle on his bedside table before sliding back down into his covers, “whatever, fuck you, i’m too hungover for this.”

his attempt to get comfortable again is interrupted as a cheap plastic lei makes itself apparent around his neck and in his face. he tries to bat it away, complaining, “how the fuck did this get here?”

“you think i know the answer to that, man?”

noel wins his battle with the festive garment, throwing it onto the floor and resting his head on his pillow once again as he shuts his eyes, “oh yeah, forgot you were up here the whole time reading instead of having a life.”

“i‘ll keep that in mind when you come running to me crying because you forgot to study for your midterms.”

“fuck off.”

spock sits on his bed across from noel, sighing, “you can’t just lay in bed all day if you wanna eat.”

noel’s expression turns into one of disgust, shaking his head, “if i eat anything, i will throw up.”

“c’mon, you gotta try at least.”

noel gives a final groan of protest before giving in, slowly opening his eyes and sitting up on the edge of his bed, yawning. 

“there we go big guy, knew you could do it.”

“you’re an asshole.”

once they head downstairs for breakfast noel is surprisingly able to keep down a banana and half a cup of coffee, dumping the other half in the trash when he comes to terms with the fact that chalky coffee is just not good.

noel and spock keep to themselves mostly, noel watching in disgust as his roommate somehow manages to shove more and more fruit into his face. he’s got absolutely no shame, and noel’s gotta at least admire that. 

when cody walks by, spock tries desperately to make conversation with him, but it doesn’t work. cody looks like he’s about to give in, but when he sees noel sitting next to spock he freezes, biting the inside of his lip. 

cody gives them both a weak smile before turning around and walking towards the kitchen. he passes by another guy along the way, who looks him up and down, causing cody to blush. spock and noel watch as the man in question gives cody’s ass a little pat, and then keeps walking. noel blinks a few times and looks to spock, “so, is everyone here fucking cody but me?”

“not everyone, but quite a few of em.”

“are you?”

spock nearly spits out his coffee, shaking his head as he laughs, “no.”

“why not?”

“i’m not gay, man,” noel gives spock a look of confusion, furrowing his eyebrows. spock continues, leaning closer to noel and lowering his voice, “look, a lot of the guys here have a fucked up amount of internalized shit, so they just resort the fucking one of their frat bros and calling it a ‘favor’.”

“so...they’re all just using him?”

“i don’t know, he seems to enjoy it just as much as they do, from what i’ve heard.”

“jesus, man-“ noel groans, pressing his thumb and his forefinger to either side of his temple. somehow he’s flustered, but he figures that’s a perfectly normal, heterosexual reaction to have when imagining one of your dude bros getting fucked in the ass.

“sorry,” spock places his hand on noel’s shoulder, prompting him to meet his gaze, “but you’re in a frat, dumbass, don’t count on any quiet nights.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cody is Dramatic <3

the day went by quickly, almost too quickly, and by the time everyone had finished eating dinner the fact that cody had avoided him the whole day was still eating at the back of noel’s mind. he had looked everywhere in the house for the man, and yet he was no where to be found. 

just when noel is about to give up, he notices cody sitting on the steps of the front porch through the window. 

he opens the front door and hesitates for a second, thinking that there’s probably a reason cody had isolated himself like this. he holds a bottle of coors light in his hand, sighing as he sips from it. 

noel slowly walks over to join him, sitting on the same step but leaving a few feet of space between them. 

“hey.”

cody doesn’t look at him, he just takes another sip of his beer as he stares into the sunset, “hi.”

“sorry if i invaded anything,” noel looks out at the orange and pink painted sky as well, admiring it, “but just so you know, i don’t care about whatever you do behind closed doors. that’s your business.”

“yeah, whatever.”

“i’m being serious,” he looks over to cody. cody sighs. 

they sit in silence for a while, and noel begins to notice things that were much harder to notice in his drunken state the night before. he notices just how long cody’s eyelashes are, and how his nose curves up slightly at its tip. he notices how his freckles dance across his cheeks, and he notices just how sad cody’s eyes look as he stares out into the evening sky. 

“i just wanted one person i could feel normal around, just one.”

“it can be normal cody, i don’t care.”

“yeah, sure, except it can’t noel,” he looks over to meet noel’s eyes for a second, eyebrows furrowing as he quickly turns his head to look at the ground, “it can’t be normal, because now everytime you look at me you’re not gonna think  _ oh, there’s my friend cody! _ ”

“cody-“

“no, you’re gonna think,  _ oh look, there’s the resident fuck toy, wonder whose turn it is today! _ ”

“cody, can you just shut the fuck up for one second?”

“what?”

“let’s just pretend i never saw anything, start fresh, clean slate.”

cody scoffs, “easier said than done.”

“well, we could try at least?”

cody looks over to noel, eyes filled with confusion and concern and all noel wants to do is make it all disappear.

“i wanna get to know  _ you _ , man, and not just that version of you. you, your personality, your sense of humor, your favorite flavor of ice cream, whatever the fuck, i don’t care, just  _ you _ .”

cody’s cheeks become hot as he looks up and down noel’s face, noel noticing when his eyes linger on his lips for just a millisecond longer than the rest. but noel can’t judge, he’s staring right back, and it’s only after cody clears his throat that they both look away and towards the sidewalk. 

“thanks,” cody swirls his now empty beer, taking a deep breath and standing up, “i’m gonna go inside and refill, come with?”

“love to.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like the pacing is a bit off on this one but we’ll see 👍🏻 lmk

he taps his pen against his notepad, holding it between his thumb and his forefinger, eyes focused on it’s movement and the sound of plastic clicking against paper. for a second that pen feels like the only thing in the world, that is until-

“noel. earth to noel.”

his heart skips a beat, eyes rapidly blinking as he snaps back into reality. he turns his head, seeing a familiar, sweet, curly haired girl sitting next to him. 

“hey kels.”

“thought you dead there for a second.”

“unfortunately, i am still here.”

kelsey lightly punches him in the shoulder, eyebrows furrowed as he laughs and she gives him side eye. after her brief moment of annoyance, she perks back up, “soooo, how’s it goin? how’s frat life?” her tone is cheerful and suggestive, but also painfully sarcastic. 

noel’s elbow leans on the desk in front of him as he presses his fingers into his temple, shaking his head. he closes his eyes as he lets out a breathy chuckle. 

“i really don’t know why you would do that to yourself, you are the last person i would expect to join a frat.”

“yeah, yeah, i know,” he looks up, meeting her gaze for only a second before he looks over her shoulder and loses all sense of reality again. cody is sitting a few rows back, reading over a sheet of paper as he bites the end of his pencil. he looks so concentrated, and his lips look chapped, eyelashes fluttering as he sighs. 

“keep it in your pants, dude.”

“i- wh- sorry, hi.”

“noel.”

“yes.”

kelsey raises her eyebrows at him, smirking, “who is he? is he in your bro house?”

“i- yeah he is. he’s a friend, i just didn’t expect him to be in this class.”

kelsey nods, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair, “mhm, of course. that’s how i look at all of my friends.”

he finds himself flustered again at the thought, but choses to ignore it. kelsey’s just winding him up, and surprisingly, it’s working.

“shut up.”

an hour and a half of desperately trying to understand physics and teasing from kelsey passes by soon enough, and just as noel is about to slip out the door and be free, he feels a tap on his shoulder. he sighs, turning around and pleasantly surprised to be met with a shy smile from cody.

“hi.”

“hey.”

noel glances over cody’s shoulder for a second, noticing kelsey standing not far behind him. she’s smirking at noel and raising her eyebrows repeatedly, giggling as he quickly averts his attention from her and back to cody. a blush rises in his cheeks, “let’s walk, c’mon.”

cody follows him out of the room without question. once they’re walking side by side down the hallway, noel speaks up again, “so, what’s up?”

“nothin’, i just wanted to talk to you.”

noel turns his head to look at cody, smiling as his tone fills with surprise, “yeah?”

“yeah, i wanna think about literally anything but linear goddamn motion for like 2 minutes  _ at least _ .”

noel laughs, smiling at cody and placing a hand on his shoulder, “well, i’m happy to help.”

and so it begins. at first it’s just small talk, getting to know each other a bit better and becoming more comfortable around one another, and then it changes. one minute they’re talking about their favorite foods and the next it feels like they’ve been walking for hours and minutes at the same time, talking about anything, everything. it’s nice. 

they come to a stop at a fountain, covered in marble engravings and surrounded by brightly colored flowers. on the front of it is a metal plaque with information on what it means and why it’s here, but you can barely read it through the rust on its surface. 

cody comments, “i didn’t even know they had this here.”

“me neither, it’s nice.”

cody hums in response, and for a moment they sit in silence, admiring the structure before them and breathing in the fresh morning air. their brief peace is interrupted when the brunette chimes in again, voice suddenly panicked,

“oh shit, fuck, oh my god.”

noel shakes his head, looking over to cody as his thoughts turn from content to concerned and confused, “what? what happened?”

“fuck, what time is it?” cody’s scrambling, feeling around the outsides of his pockets aimlessly as he tries to find his phone. 

noel quickly pulls his out, “it’s 11:42,” he looks back up to cody, watching as the look on his face turns more and more horrified, “did you have to be somewhere?”

cody places his palm against his forehead, eyes opening wide as he stares back at noel, “oh my god, i had diving practice at 11:30, oooh shit,” he takes a few steps back from noel, turning his body and beginning to walk away, “i gotta go before i’m even more late, i’m so sorry, fuck.”

by the time noel can even form a sentence, cody is already at least 30 feet away from him, jogging. he shouts, “uh- see you later then?”

cody’s nearly running now as he turns his head to respond, waving and offering noel a weak smile, “yeah, sorry again, bye noel!”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> noel is stupid and gay

they have a lot more days like that, filled with jokes and distractions and pretty much anything to spend their time with each other. they’re all but inseparable, besides the fact that they don’t share a room, and over the next few weeks no one is blind to the fact that they’re close,  _ suspiciously _ close considering it’s been such a short amount of time. once spock had even asked noel about it, point blank:

“so, are you and cody like, buddies or...a thing?”

noel looks up from his textbook, just beginning to process what spock had said, “what?”

“c’mon, i’ve seen the way you look at him.”

noel scoffs, quickly shutting the book and throwing it onto his bed next to him, “no, we’re not- no, man,” his words are caught in his throat as he scratches the back of his head, sighing, “we’re just close friends, we click, that’s all.”

spock clearly doesn’t buy it, responding sarcastically, “mm’kay.”

but it didn’t end there. 

kelsey was probably the worst, considering the three of them had a class together and her nosy ass was always asking cody questions in the middle of every single lecture. 

(noel brought it up to her after class once and she said she was just making sure cody was the ‘right one.’ “so far, i approve,” were her exact words).

and of course, in true noel fashion, he was overthinking it. he knew that wasn’t how he felt, he knew he wasn’t gay, and yet he couldn’t stop thinking about the way cody’s eyes wrinkled when he laughed, or the way he’d always bump their shoulders together and giggle when they walked, or just how fast cody had memorized all the food noel liked and didn’t like just so he could surprise him with lunch every once in a while. it shouldn’t have been much to think about, but it was, and that’s what scared noel most. 

small things felt like big things, because for the first time in his life he felt like they mattered. it mattered whether or not he landed a joke when cody was around, it mattered when cody told him ‘you got this’ before a test, it mattered when cody had to cancel on their plans because ‘there’s a big dive meet next week and i just don’t wanna be stressed about homework on top of everything else, i’m sorry.’ everything mattered, because it was with cody. 

that left him in a state of purgatory, of trying to ignore everything his brain was telling him and sticking to the narrative. college best friends, nothing more. best friends who‘ll be there for each other through thick and thin, best friends who’ll still make each other piss from laughing when they’re 80, and best friends who definitely don’t wanna fuck. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😃

“okay, worst relationship, go.”

“what the fuck, dude?”

“what? i thought we were trying to get to know each other?”

“okay...” noel thinks for a second, adjusting his position on his bed as cody sits next to him, cross legged, patiently waiting with his chin in his hands.

“there was this girl junior year of high school, we only went out for like a week, but my 16 year old dumb ass thought she was the girl of my dreams.”

cody’s intrigued, shifting himself to sit on the edge of the bed, right next to noel, before continuing, “oh, really?”

noel swallows, using everything in his power not to move even closer, “yeah.”

“and what is the girl of your dreams, noel?”

“well, she had a pretty good sense of humor,” he turns his head to stare at the wall across from him, finding it especially hard not to stare at the man by his side, “and she was gorgeous. brown hair, these really weird green-brown-hazel, or whatever the fuck you call it, eyes. pale, freckles,” he looks back at cody, who’s now blushing, staring at him with wide eyes, and noel tries to pretend it means nothing, he really does.

“uh, anyway, i figured out like a week in that she was only using me to get closer to one of my friends.....so then she dumped me and got with him.”

“oh...fuck.”

“yeah.”

“i’m sorry man, that sucks.”

“nah, it’s fine. honestly, it’s just funny now, it was three years ago,” he chuckles to himself, deciding to push the conversation forward before he can manage to spark an existential crisis, “now, what about you?”

“huh?”

“worst relationship?”

“ummm…”

cody sits there thinking for a moment, and noel can’t help but watch. the brunette takes his bottom his lip between his teeth, and for some reason noel can’t look away. cody’s skin looks soft, his eyes look scared, his body looks tense, and when cody shifts his gaze from the ground and back up to noel, he’s been caught staring. but cody doesn’t say anything. he seems to be just as mesmerized as noel is, and by the time he inches his face closer and closer to noel’s he’s barely breathing.

noel whispers, stomach turning as he watches cody’s eyes flicker across his face, “are you gonna answer?”

“no.”

and then their lips are connected, the kiss gentle and still as their hearts nearly beat out of their chests. every alarm is going off in noel’s mind, screaming at him to abort mission, but his body doesn’t move away. cody’s the one to do that, and before noel can even think to kiss him again he’s right in front of him on his knees, looking up at noel in a way he’s never seen before.

his hands are quick to unzip and unbutton noel’s jeans, grabbing noel’s length through his boxers and making him jump. even something so simple feels so good, and the fact that it’s cody doing this to him makes it both the best and worst thing in the world. cody’s presence usually soothes him, but then again he never expected to be in cody’s presence within this context.

“want me to suck your cock?”

his first thought is: wow, that’s blunt.

“i can be such a slut for you, your dirty little whore, you want that?”

his second thought is: this isn’t cody.

noel places his hand on cody’s shoulder and, without thinking, pushes him away. his breathe hitches when he sees the look in cody’s eyes.

“cody, you don’t have to-“

“what?”

“-talk like that.”

cody looks both confused and concerned, taking his hands away from noel completely and leaning back to sit down on his heels, “hm?”

“i- it’s weird, i’m sorry.”

“you don’t want me?”

“no- well, maybe,” his head falls into his hands, pushing his palms against his eyes as his breath shutters, “i don’t know man. fuck.”

“it’s fine, i’ll just leave, sorry.”

noel takes his hands away from his face, watching as cody stands up and begins to walk towards the door.

“no, cody, don’t-”

cody turns back to look at noel as he stands with his hand on the doorknob. noel hadn’t really planned that far ahead.

“i don’t know how to say any of this, shit, i-“

“then don’t, i know what you’re getting at.” he turns away from noel again and opens the door, venturing into the hallway and towards his own.

noel follows him out, trying desperately to find the words, any words, “cody, wait, i’m sorry-“

cody opens the door to his own room, “don’t bother.”

“cody-“ the door slams in his face. he sighs, taking a few steps back, and just when he turns to go back into his room and sulk, he sees a familiar, tall asshole standing at the end of the hallway, frozen in motion.

spock raises his eyebrows at noel’s open fly, looking up to meet his eyes as the shorter man’s face turns redder and redder, “care to explain?”

noel clenches his jaw before turning back into the doorway and growling, “no, fuck off.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long for an update! hope it was worth the wait wink wink

a passer by in the hallway, a stolen glance across a classroom, nothing but a stranger if you turn a blind eye. the days are slow, and noel can feel every second. every second of dread, anxiety, loneliness. every second without his cody.

if it was his choice he’d chose to ignore what happened, brush it aside and pretend like everything’s normal. but of course it’s not normal, and it’s not his choice. cody makes that very apparent. 

physics is the only class noel can really look forward to, not because he desperately enjoys calculating the laws of motion, but because he enjoys the company of the two brunettes who usually sit with him. when one keeps to himself, sitting across the room and as far away from noel as possible, the other can’t help but intrude.

“why’s cody all the way over there, something happen?”

noel bites his lip, staring at the back of the brunettes head and taking a deep breath,

“i don’t wanna talk about it.”

undoubtedly, kelsey is confused, but she leaves him be. when he avoids eye contact, he needs to be left be.

nothing is learned during that class, nothing of substance at least. noel does learn just how much cody’s hair shines under fluorescent lighting, he learns exactly where it curls, how many times a hand is run through it, and he also learns that it’s quite easy to make your lip bleed from biting it too hard if you’re distracted by a pretty boy while doing so.

cody is the first to leave the classroom, he’s the first to run down the hallway, he’s the first to run upstairs after finishing dinner, and it seems he’s the first to fall asleep, all to avoid noel. is it passive aggressive? sure, yeah, it definitely is, but noel knows it’s warranted. he was an asshole. he knows he’s a dumbass and he knows that he kind of deserves it. 

so that leaves him here, lying in bed at 2 am staring at the ceiling, thinking. 

of course he’d fucked up relationships before, who hasn’t, but somehow this felt different. it felt a million times more important, like this was life or death. it also felt like he was being eaten from the inside out, and maybe that’s why he couldn’t help think about it so much. 

he lies on his back, his eyes shut tight, as if the harder he squeezes them together the more everything will go away. 

and then he hears it. the same high pitched, needy moan he’d heard his first night here. it’s muffled through the walls but noel can tell it’s the same person, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t make his stomach drop. 

he tries to ignore it, he really does, but when hears it again he can’t help a sharp breath as his eyes shoot open and blood rushes down his abdomen to his groin. his breathing is heavy and shaky already, his guard is down, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t painfully aware of the man sleeping barely 5 feet from him. he turns his head to make sure said man is actually asleep, before looking back up to the ceiling and snaking his hand underneath the sheets. he wraps his fingers around himself through his boxers and squeezes, sighing at the sensation. he can feel that he’s already semi-hard, just from two little moans. god, he’s done for. 

then he hears it again. it’s louder this time, more worn out. noel’s dick twitches in his grasp, and he has to bring his hand up to his mouth to muffle his choked out gasp from _every_ sensation. he’s fully hard now, no doubt about it, his whole body tingling from adrenaline and anticipation. this is wrong, on so many levels, but the more he thinks about it the more his hand continues to wander between layers of fabric nonetheless. 

when his hand first starts moving it doesn’t feel like much, and he almost considers stopping, but the more he hears those beautiful noises, the more he craves. the more he thinks about if he was the one making cody do that, and the more he thinks about what cody would’ve done to him if noel hadn’t pushed him away. 

he bites his lip, mouth still covered by his palm. he’s trying his absolute hardest not to make any noise, but that’s proving harder and harder as cody’s sounds get more and more whiny and desperate, and noel thinks that might be because he’s close. the thought alone reminds noel of just how long it’s been since he last got laid, because jesus fucking christ if he’s about to cum in under 90 seconds just from-

a loud, almost porngraphic moan echoes through the walls, and just the fact that cody has absolutely no shame about how much he likes getting fucked sends noel over the edge. he doesn’t even know if he’s making noise, he can’t even tell whether his hand is still over his mouth, but at this point he doesn’t care. it all feels so good and freeing and different, and even once he’s brought himself out of his post orgasm haze it still takes a second for the full weight of what just happened to settle in. he takes his hand away from himself as quick as he can manage as panic rushes through his body. his thoughts are rushing and the only thing clear that stands out in his mind among plenty of gay panic is:

_what the fuck did i just do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we love some good post nut clarity 👍🏻


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to eris for giving me ideas to finish this love u <3

when noel calls kelsey, she knows its urgent. she can tell that it’s especially urgent when noel calls her at 11:30 on a tuesday morning, demanding that they need to have lunch and talk right now because ‘cody and i haven’t talked in four days and im going fuckin’ insane.’

the chill of the cool autumn air rushes down her back as she makes her way down the sidewalk, arms crossed tightly in an attempt to keep warm. she’s been on a lot of walks like this, but somehow this is the first in quite a while. memories of tears and laughter flood her mind as her sneakers tap on the concrete with each step. 

last year, once a week, minimum, they would meet here, the only halfway decent barbecue place in a ten mile radius. to give each other the run down of their week, pep talks, advice, updates on the latest drama, or even just to make each other piss laughing with a joke they thought of in the shower the other day (that last one was mainly noel). you name it, they talked about it. it become a sort of hub for them, filled with the smell of grease and hickory, free from all responsibilities, a safe haven. some might say it’s unconventional, but kelsey can’t think of anything better than ranting to your best friend with barbecue sauce all over your face. 

and so they did exactly that. when kelsey walked through the doors of the dinky little restaurant, she had found noel sitting in their usual corner, leg bouncing as he bit at his nails. kelsey greeted him with a hug, smiling she sat down. they ordered their usuals, and noel got to talking. 

he tells her about how apparently cody is gay, or something of the sort, and is fucking a bunch of ‘straight’ dudes in the frat. he also tried to suck noel’s dick, and noel-

“you pushed him away??“

“listen it was- i was confused-“

“no, you’re stupid.”

and so he tells her no, there’s more to it. cody was talking weird, and it felt forced. and then he started ignoring noel, completely avoiding him. 

“well, yeah, you were an asshole.”

“shut up, let me finish.”

it gets better. the other night he heard cody...exercising...very loud, and-

“and the next morning, oh my god, the next morning,” noel places his fingers against his temple, leaning his arm on their table and shaking his head, “cody was all over devon, i swear to god, right in front of everyone. it’s like he was doing it on purpose, just to fucking torture me.”

kelsey barely knows cody apart from her little interrogation sessions in the middle of class, but something tells her there is a very high chance that that is exactly the what he was doing.

“and it’s almost like i was...jealous? but not- not like that, just,” he leans back in his chair and stares at his fingers as they tap on the tabletop, “i don’t know...what it is...but i wanna be around him, and i want him to be around me, and i don’t want anyone else to know him like i know him. i just-“

“noel.”

“what?”

“shut up.”

“wh-“

“have i ever told you that you’re a fuckin’ dumbass?”

“well, yes-“

“you are a dumbass, truly.”

noel sighs, “just tell me what you think, honestly.”

“okay, well,” she picks up her drink from the table, motioning with the same hand as she talks, “you clearly want him noel, i don’t care how many times you say no homo,” she takes a sip, and then continues, “and you were definitely jealous, don’t even try to deny that. and i think the reason you pushed cody away was because from the way he was acting you just felt like he was inviting you into his little frat fuck circle, not like he actually wanted you for you.”

noel stares down into his food, biting his lip, “fuck.”

“you told me to be honest.”

“i know, i just,” he leans back in his chair, furrowing his eyebrows before looking back up to kelsey, “how are you so good at that?”

she gives her drink another sip, “because i know you, man, i’m practically your fuckin’ therapist.”

“like, i didn’t even realize that, but now that you say it..”

“i get it, i’m a genius, i know.”

noel‘s arms are crossed, staring into nothing once again as his brain tries desperately to process every single realization in that moment, “so, like, i’m gay?”

“i don’t know what you are, but it ain’t straight.”

and then it all clicks. noel doesn’t know how or when it happened, but somehow he’d fallen in love with a fucking frat bro. from the first step he took towards cody on that first night in the house, the first time he made cody laugh, to all of the playful shoulder bumps, the reassuring squeezes on the knee, the giggles between  _ those _ looks, it had all led to this point, and even just the thought sent butterflies to noel’s stomach. he wouldn’t get anywhere if he kept denying this shit, so fuck it. 

“kelsey?”

“hmm?”

noel takes a deep breath, and then looks up to meet kelsey’s gaze, “i think i might be gay, or bi, or something. i don’t know, but, i like guys.”

“cool.”

“and i think i might wanna fuck cody.”

“well, that one i already knew.”

a crumpled up napkin hits kelsey in the face, courtesy of noel. all she can do is laugh. 

“okay so now that we’ve....established that,” he sits up straight in his chair, and unfolds his arms from across his chest. that was easier than he thought it would be, but his foot still taps on the floor. his stomach is still in his throat, only now the anxiety isn’t about acceptance, “how do i, like, fix it?”

“fix it?”

“get him to talk to me, wanna be in my vicinity, etcetera.”

“talk to him, asshole.”

“that’s it?”

“do you think aleena and i got together by ignoring each other? no, dumbass,” she takes another sip of her drink before shifting her tone, recognizing noel’s overthinking face, “yes, that’s it.”

her voice is gentle and reassuring, and noel nearly cries when she reaches across the table and places her hand on top of his, squeezing to get his attention and smiling softly.

“you know what you want, noel, you just can’t be afraid to say it.”


	10. Chapter 10

he decided, then and there, that he was gonna talk to cody, but he’s not a very patient person. that led him to where he is now, full sprinting down the sidewalk, with plenty of concerned onlookers, towards the frat. 

the running part isn’t necessarily fun, especially in cold weather, but the pain gives him adrenaline, it motivates him to keep going. or maybe that’s just cody. he reaches the house in no time, panting as he pushes the door open. 

“hey man, what’s up?”

noel jumps at the voice, choking on his own heavy breathing as the door slams shut behind him. he looks to the source of it, and his stomach immediately drops when he sees who it is.

“hey, devon.”

“are you good?”

he shakes his head to calm his nerves, looking around the room for any sign of his friend, or whatever the fuck you wanna call him, “yeah, is cody here?”

“he’s up in our room,” devon closes the book in his lap, sitting further up in his chair, “why?”

noel is already walking away before he even asks, and by the time devon is fully paying attention to him, he’s running up the staircase. devon shouts,

“use protection, man!”

the climb up the stairs and the walk down the hallway feels both like forever and no time at all, and he doesn’t even let himself second guess all of this before he opens the door to cody’s room, standing in the doorway as his heart is nearly beating out of his chest. 

cody sits at a desk against the wall, staring at noel for a split second before his eyes widen and he snaps his head to look back down at whatever notebook he’s reading through. he’s trying so hard to act like he doesn’t care, but noel can see his leg bouncing under the desk. 

“i’m busy, noel.”

“can i just say one thing to you, one thing, and then i’ll leave?”

silence fills the room and all noel can do is bite the inside of his lip, awaiting cody’s response, if there is one. after a moment the brunette turns his gaze to noel, sighing before turning his entire body to face him and crossing his arms. 

“fine.”

noel is trying desperately to stop breathing so heavily, but the anxiety mixed with the fact that he just ran farther than he probably ever has in his entire life is making that quite difficult. 

“why are you so out of breath?”

“i- long story-“

cody gives him a second, still confused but somehow patient as he looks noel up and down. noel decides to ignore that, for now.

“i just needed you to know that i- i want you, but not just like that, and the way you were acting before it was just...it felt wrong i don’t- i don’t know.”

“i don’t get it.”

there are no words that can explain just how much noel wants to punch himself right now. 

he takes yet another a deep breath, as if the air is filled with his thoughts and he can’t speak without it.  _ you know what you want noel, you just can’t be afraid to say it.  _

“i don’t want porn star cody, i want  _ cody _ cody.”

in that moment everything falls into place. the look on cody’s face changes to one of both relief and surprise. his eyes don’t look scared or mad anymore as he stands up and walks towards noel. before noel can say another word cody’s lips are on his again and all it just feels  right . it feels like cody is the only person he’s ever kissed, and he’s the only person he’ll ever need to kiss again. 

cody pulls him into the room a bit more and slams the door shut, pushing noel up against it as the kiss turns much more passionate. when they pull away for air after god knows how long, cody only presses their bodies closer together, grinding into noel’s thigh and causing him to chuckle, 

“you don’t want me to take you to dinner first?”

cody breathes onto noel’s face, lips barely inches from his, “oh my god, noel, fuck you.”

“if you say so.”

a sudden wave of confidence washes over noel, and he can feel cody giggling against lips as he pushes them both forward, eventually leading them to lie on cody’s bed. noel is on top now, doing anything and everything he can to work cody up, to find his weak spots. one hand is tangled in the back of his hair as the other grasps his hip. his knee presses up against the crotch of cody’s jeans, and that man is done for. any remaining ounce of control he had left in his body has now been handed over to noel, and noel would be lying if he said it wasn’t a huge ego boost. 

after a decent amount of writhing against each other and trading spit, noel pulls away. he leaves a few kisses along cody’s cheeks before he speaks up, voice low and gravely, “are you sure you wanna do this?”

it sends shivers up cody’s spine. his eyes are fluttering between shut and open and when he finally responds, he can’t help but whine, “yes, noel, please..”

noel barely moves at that, causing cody to fully focus on him. the darker haired man is staring at him with pure intent, his eyes are filled with lust but his touch is gentle, and it makes cody feel like he’s on top of the world. he places his palm on noel’s cheek and looks him in the eyes, any sense of reality returning for even just a second as he speaks again,

“are you?”

noel takes his hand from the back of cody’s head and puts it on top of the hand on his cheek, stroking the fingers with his thumb as he looks from cody’s lips to his eyes, “yeah.”

“then fuck me, noel.”

the switch turns back on, and suddenly they’re no longer staring into each other’s eyes but grasping at any and all fabric around and on their bodies, lips connected and breath becoming hotter and hotter with passion. when they pull away for air they both have the same mission: get naked,  _ now _ . 

as much as it pains him to do so, noel moves away from cody to lay next to him. they both shuffle around, kicking off shoes and pulling off shirts and jeans so quickly it’s like they’re trying to set a world record. soon enough they’re on each other’s mouths again, hands wandering across bare skin and exploring the new curves and edges of each other. noel pulls away again, and cody groans. 

“do you have lube?”

cody gives noel a look that all but says: is that even a question?

“top drawer, right there,” he points to the bedside table to their left, “hurry, please.”

“god, so impatient,” noel reaches over cody to open the drawer and grabs a nearly empty bottle of lube and a condom that rests on top of various other junk. 

cody rolls his eyes as noel smirks, “just fuck me already, man.”

“man? you’re really gonna call me man right now?”

“noel, oh my god, shut the fuck up and get your dick inside of me  _ now _ .”

“bossy,” noel says, clicking the bottle of lube open and pouring some out onto his fingers. cody is expecting him to slick up his dick and get to work, and but then he feels a cold finger press against his rim and it makes him gasp. 

“y-you don’t need to do that, i’m all good.”

the finger presses in and his breath hitches, body tingling from desperation, and he’s surprised at how sensitive he is. 

“what, i can’t have a little fun?”

noel thrusts his finger in and out a few times, and cody lets out a little noise thats barely audible over his heavy breathing. noel adds another finger and cody keens, grinding down into the motion, searching for more friction, more pressure, anything. 

“surely you can handle a bit more teasing, yeah?”

by the time cody realizes his eyes are squeezed shut, they’re shooting open as he moves his hips around more, sighing, “god, you’re gonna kill me.”

noel chuckles, sliding his fingers inside the man underneath him a few more times before finally pulling them out, hearing cody hiss at the loss of contact. cody can hear plastic rustling, which he assumes is noel opening the condom. after sliding it onto himself he puts more lube in his hand, and this time he actually follows cody’s mental script, reaching down to coat his dick in the substance and groaning at the relief. 

cody can’t keep still, whining and writhing around both in anticipation and out of desperation. when he looks back down noel is lining himself up at his entrance, one elbow next to cody’s head to stabilize himself and his other hand on the cody’s hip in an attempt to stabilize him. 

“you okay?”

“i will be when you get it in.”

“okay, okay.”

the hand on cody’s hip moves away and back down to guide noel’s dick in, leaving him gasping at the pressure on it’s head as cody bites his lip, whining and staring at the motion. once noel is fully inside him, filling him up deliciously, cody pulls him down to kiss him again. their lips collide as they settle into the feeling of each other, unfiltered, still exploring but very sure that this, together, is the best feeling in the world.

“shit, so good,” noel whispers against cody’s lips as he starts to move his hips, reveling in the warmth around him and the pretty little breaths and noises coming out of the younger, “so, so good.”

cody hums, grinding his hips down into noel’s and gasping even as the smallest amount of friction. his emotions are heightened and he’s pretty sure it has something to do with why this all feels so ethereal, but no matter what it is he doesn’t want it to stop, ever. he wants noel on him, in him, with him, forever. 

“more, faster, please,” he moans, arms wrapping around noel’s shoulders and grasping at his back. noel obliges, clearly done with the teasing and eager to please. as he speeds his movements up he changes his angle, and then it happens, and his stomach drops. he pounds into cody’s prostate a few times and suddenly he’s much, much louder, letting out those gorgeous noises noel had heard from across the hall a few nights ago. it only makes noel go harder, faster, determined to find every little thing that makes cody sound like that. 

“you sound so amazing,” he kisses cody everywhere he can manage, his cheeks, jawline, forehead, nose, and somehow that seems more intimate than the rest of it.

“oh my- god, noel, ah-“ he wraps one arm tighter around noel and brings the other down to stroke his painfully neglected dick, moaning and gasping at every movement, “don’t stop, feels so good, holy f-“

his blabbering is interrupted by another loud, whiny moan. noel kisses at the corners of his open mouth, groaning as cody’s nails dig into his shoulder blade. normally it would be annoying, but this, here, now, it’s amazing, because it’s cody. he’s making cody feel like that, making him lose his senses so much he can barely speak, and the pain doesn’t even matter anymore because they’re both on another fucking planet it’s the best thing in the world. 

“noel, i’m so close, noel,” his jaw falls slack, letting out a series of unadulterated moans and pleas. the only thing holding noel together is his focus on the rhythm of their bodies moving together, but even that is falling away from him, and fast. 

“me too, god, fuck,” noel buries his face in cody’s shoulder and tries his best to focus, but the world around him is in a haze and he doesn’t know if he can take it much longer. he feels a small kiss press against his ear before cody whispers, wrecked but assertive,

“cum for me, noel.”

and that does it. with a long, deep, drawn out moan, noel’s orgasm washes over him. he can feel cody squeezing around him as he releases into the condom, and it’s not long before he feels hot cum spraying onto their stomachs from the other. cody squirms at every thrust as they ride their orgasms out, overstimulated and messy and still trying to pull everything they can out of each other. 

when noel finally pulls himself together he lifts his head from cody’s shoulder to look at his face, all fucked out and flushed, sweaty hair sticking to his forehead and pupils blown out as he stares right back. he looks so goddamn beautiful, and the only thing noel can think to do is kiss him again. it’s lazy and slow, but it still makes fireworks go off in his chest. 

cody whimpers when noel pulls out, rolling off the condom and tying it at the end. he reaches over cody again and places it on the corner of his bedside table, causing the canadian to snort.

“aww what a cute little decoration, a momento.”

“ew, dude.”

cody laughs at himself as noel rolls over on his back to lay next to him, chuckling a bit too but still helplessly out of breath. they sit there for a moment, just listening to each other’s breathing and getting their bodies back before noel breaks the silence.

“cody?”

“yeah?”

“i think i love you.”

to be completely honest, he wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what noel says after every time he has amazing sex. nonetheless, his stomach drops, and he can’t help but follow whatever path noel is leading him down, “yeah?”

“yeah, i do.”

cody smiles, staring at the ceiling and tracing his eyes along it’s imperfections, the cracks in the paint, the old holes from nails that definitely weren’t meant to be there.

“i think i love you too.”

noel turns his head to look at him, “yeah?”

cody turns his head too, heart beating out of his chest but breathing somehow calm, “yeah,” he reaches out to put his hand on noel’s cheek again, stroking the soft skin with his thumb and sighing, “i know you’re scared, noel.”

noel stares at him, words caught in his throat. he doesn’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing, but at least cody’s honest. cody reads him like a book, scooting their bodies closer and speaking softly,

“and that’s okay, i get it now.”

noel smiles and leans closer to cody, closing the distance between their lips with a soft, peaceful kiss. they both smile into it, thoughts dancing around in their heads, jumbled up but sweet, like poetry. and he doesn’t really have all the words right now, but that’s okay. it’s okay because they don’t need words, they just need their lips to be connected until the whole world around them disappears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! thank u sm for reading this far i hope u enjoyed! i know updates were slow near the end and im sorry for that :( but i hope it was worth the wait hehe
> 
> lmk what u thought! lov u<3
> 
> follow me on twitter: DLSCORDBABE

**Author's Note:**

> hi thanks for reading lmk what u thought :p


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